Wednesday, January 8, 2014


Here I sit, staring at this blank screen, not knowing what to write, but knowing my return is long overdue. 
 It is a new year after all and time to let the past slip away....
I lost my Mom unexpectedly just a few months ago and the world stopped, at least for me it did.  And man, how pissed I was that the rest of the world continued to move on as if nothing had happened. 
 How can that be, when the most important woman in my life was now gone??  
So the world stood still for me and and I focused more on family and reevaluated what was important to me, because that's what death does.  It makes you take a long, hard look in the mirror as your own mortality stares back at you.  So many things I learned on that day...I now never let my bad days get the better of me.  I tell the people around me how much they mean to me in words or through a simple touch.  
I miss her, of course I do.  I turned to her for everything.  I found myself trying to text her one night, even though a month had already passed.  I catch my breath, remembering she is gone...gone.  
she was in my dreams, for the first time, a couple of days ago.  
And in this dream I got that last hug I was so longing for and I told her how much I love her.  

So it's time,
I'm moving on...

Love you forever Mama...


  1. I'm sorry you lost your mom. I lost my mom three years ago and still find myself picking up the phone to call her. I still have dreams of her but in them she never speaks. It does get better in time, but there will be good days and bad days. I'm glad you have a positive outlook, but please allow yourself to feel every emotion that comes to you, even the sad or mad ones. They are all part of the healing.

  2. I left a long comment butt the Interwebs bleeped it so I will try again...I remember the same feeling when my dad died. There you are, mourning, off to bury someone you loved, no next times, no second chances, but everyone around you is just going on as if nothing is wrong. You feel like you're watching them go by behind a pane of glass, totally disconnected. Lots of people had their lives change forever when mary said goodbye. It sounds silly, really really silly, but I don't enjoy complaining about my banjo playing neighbor anymore if she's not here to tell me to call the cops!! My dad visited me, too, after he died and I believe their love is still around us. You can call her to you when you need her most. I believe that! Love to you, pretty girl!

  3. I understand, I lost my mom in April and I'm still struggling to get back to it. I do ok for awhile then suddenly I'm struggling again. Alice said it well. Take care!

  4. Sorry for all the typos - I was on the iPad...!

  5. Thank you all for taking the time to leave a comment. Words can be so very comforting when dealing with pain. I think about her in almost all that I do and I feel her calming presence when I'm struggling the most.
    My best to all of you!